Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Happy Tears

When I was a kid, the phrase "happy tears" didn't make sense. At all. Why would you cry if you're happy? Like very happy? It only made sense when I entered adulthood.
How many events have there been happy tears in your life?
In my 30 years of life, I only remember crying happy tears 3 times.
The very first one was when my husband (then boyfriend) celebrated my birthday. My birthday always clashes with Mother's Day. Not so great if you ask me. :P I have made it clear that I would like 2 presents when I become a mother someday. So yea...in the restaurant where we celebrated, there were pink heartshaped cakes as it was Mother's Day. I saw the cake and thought "Eh! Strawberry cake! Pink and heartshape!" I didn't take it of course, doubted I could finish the cake coz we have already ordered a lot of food. What I didn't know was Mr.Boyfriend secretly ordered one of it and requested for a candle. I really didn't see it coming so while we were just enjoying our last course, there came a group of staff singing the birthday song and with the pink heartshape cake with a lit up candle on it. The sweetest, isn't he? That was my first happy tears. Even as I typed this, I clearly remember the moment and I swear I could still shed a tear. Happy tear.
See guys, we are emotional creatures. Oh! And we remember too. :p
2nd event, I cried when I got myself an electone. I had an electone but it didn't come with the full specs so when I played songs on it, I never got the full experience. Quitted my lessons when I entered university as I had no time. I figured my dad wouldn't want to fork out the little amount of money for it anymore. Furthermore, I won't have time to practice any piece of music anymore. Weekends are short. Very.
Upon completion of my degree, I entered the ratrace immediately. Shortly after, I decided to sell my first electone to get a secondhand electone of a higher model. I played all night long. Had it plugged to my earphones. I heard every single sound. I felt "Wow! This is what it feels like to have this. I managed to get this. The one I have always wanted. Full experience now." Cried while playing. huhuhu
The last happy tears: Mr. Husband got me a very belated birthday present. Wasn't expecting a present especially when it had been few months after my birthday month. Mr.Husband isn't one to spend much on anything.....so after the shared birthday trip (which I planned coz I wanted to experience snorkeling so much), I thought that was my present. Was happy and contented with the trip. Redang is sooooo beautiful! I am not sure if he enjoyed the boatride to the island but we have already committed. I kept quiet. I honestly didn't know if he would agree to go to the island if he knew the boatride is more than 30mins........Sorry mister. Gotta do what I gotta do. I can't be going alone. hahahahaha No tears shed there. There could be sad tears shed there though. :p
Happy tears were shed when it was few months down the calendar when someone went to check out a new mall with his brother and came back with a cute headphone with cat ears! He placed it on the table in my little craftroom...told me to open the door and see what is inside. Being the paranoid me, I thought there were insects or other creepy creatures....I asked if there is animal in it. He said "Yes" and insisted that I went in. Scared. Opened the door. Went in. There it was. On the table. My very belated birthday present. Took the bag out of the room. Cried in bed in his arms. No, it wasn't some bejeweled BOSE or beats headphone. :p
Why do I bother typing all these events?

Well, this is so that I remember my first few happy tears in my life(hopefully there will be many more to come) and that even if I cry sad tears every other day, happy tears did happen.
Life is not that pathetic after all, right?
Honestly, I am pretty low and I was wondering if it is possible for a guy to promise his wife that the tears she will ever cry after they are married are happy tears. No worries. Mr.Husband is smart enough to not make such promise. I would have cried harder if he did and doesn't try to commit to it. :p

Wednesday, August 5, 2015


She said:
"Jadi perempuan memang kena makan hati kot. "
(It is the nature of being a woman to have heartaches.)


Does it really need to be that way? 😔 We have already given up most of our norms if not all. My parents would say "Embrace them all with utmost sincerity." Where is the give and take then? I am sure there is a limit to everything. 😁 I am only human. 

"Sebaik-baik perkataan adalah diam." (The best word is to be quiet.) This is one of the many wise words I will keep close to me. Holds true especially when a heart is burden. Tough for someone who talks at every opportunity she has. I'm like popcorn. (Picture this: Popping corns in a pot.)

If there is one thing to be thankful for, it has to be the ability to shed tears when the heart couldn't take it anymore. 😭😭😭😭😭

Do song and romance novel writers treat their women better? Can someone give me an insight? While other girls in the world dream of a big wedding, I am very curious about this.  Best is to hear from Nicholas Sparks's significant other and daughters. *curious* Please don't tell me it is all fiction!

How about David Beckham?
Don't bother putting Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in my list. They don't qualify. 😋 Heart over looks. Looks is bonus. The reason why I'm in some random ballerina flats instead of killer heels. How are these related? Go figure!

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Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Mr.Darcy & An Apple

Dreams. Just a word. Just a dream..
I believe there are many you call tell about a person from his/her dreams.
And dreams can be
I dream to have one house in every big city in the world.
I dreamt of my crush last night.
My nightmare woke me up crying in the middle of the night.

I used to remember all my dreams when I wake up that I find it very odd some people just do not remember. And some have their dreams in black and white. Interesting but I prefer mine coloured. Feels more real that way.

Throughout my life, I have dreams shattered. Dream realized. Dreams forgotten and of course dreams what woke me up scared, crying and even laughing! Most of the time, people in the dreams are faceless. How do we know it is the specific person? We feel it is them. 

This morning, I woke up almost crying. Sad and terrified.
1st scene, one of my parent was sooo excited to see apple at the front door. Somehow in my dream, I felt so offended. I was somehow dropped from the scene when apple turned up. Anyway, they never dropped anything for me. Let alone get so excited to see me. I'm no apple. Well, not that I even want to be an apple. I am already an apple size. :p It is just the feeling of being dropped from the picture kills. Ah well, at some point in life we will all be optional.

Terrified is when you are assigned to a scary Darcy-looking guy in your dream. Yes, we were in some mansion in my dream and this Darcy-looking dude and his fellow friends are looking for partners. His friends happily picked girls from the neighbourhood to marry and this Darcy dude picked me............................obviously he said he just wants me to be around when he needs me. Nothing sexual incase your mind wanders there. In my dream(or nightmare?), I was 21 dressed in a pretty deep red medieval dress. I expected to bring him papers, make him drinks and etc...yes, maid to Darcy-looking dude. I really don't know where this setting came from........I don't even like Mr.Darcy. Guess it is nice taming an arrogant dude. Just like how you get to crack open a shy guy.

What REALLY woke me up was the apple scene. And to add more to the least-important-person-in-the-world feeling, someone baked a pizza for himself and left none but dirty dishes for me. It doens't really matter but the dream and the no-pizza-in-view made me teary.....well, I've been teary these days anyway so no biggie. "=.= 

Now, where did this apple scene come from? Have I been thinking too much about apple returning? Maybe subconsiously....idk....I only remember thinking about when my beloved bro will be going back to his uni and when can I get the boys to sleepover at my little nest. 

At the back of my mind, I feel that someone is being soooo controlled by his own mind thinking everybody has all the expectations in the world for him to be around. I really don't understand why. Why are we more suffocated now that we are married? Is the way out a baby? If yes, baby is not making its way anytime soon so I guess I suffer some more? *sighhhhh*

It has been ages since I last penned anything here but today, I just need to let it out somewhere. Not that I want the entire world to read this (do I even have a reader here?). There are simply times when there is no one to talk to not because there is noone around but just no one who would understand. ATM, I have slight headache. Days have not been so good lately. I'll switch my focus to cleaning up my nest and hopefully I will have some time to stitch. 

I hate August 2015.

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