=)

You can start counting the times i have smiley as my title or part of my title :p
Not that im super happy or something good has happened but ive heard some stuff which could help me bring back my self-esteem to the level it was at before it went down the drain.

On my way back from work today, i've had some lines breing refreshed in my mind. *Yea...i was driving and slightly dreaming*

Here are few nice stuff people had said to me which made me feel....nice...or made me realize that im not too bad....*my pessimism kills sometimes :(

"I love your skin. It is so soft" (i'm a girl...besides that, thanks to the amount of lotion i've spent my money on)

"Wow.Is this your handwriting?Wow.Soooo neat." (i really dun think so)

"The best smile is in your smile" (sweet...teehee)

"OMG.Soooo nice....u should really sing....OMG." (i dun think so...)

"Do us a favour. Save us all and be the emcee" (i dun think im that gewd.. :)

"All the girls i know are dumb but u're different.u're smart.." (am i?i dunno..i dun think so)

"Ur eyes are beautiful" (tq.i hope so too)

"I love ur eyes" (i love urs too honey ;) )

"So nice. I like your handwriting." (i dun think it looks nice...)

"Wow.Beautiful nails." (yea..coz itz shape is pretty long..and not squarish...thanks)

"Have u been emceeing for long? U're so good" (Really?Hmm...i dunno & no i never emceed b4)

"She's msian but she has butt and boobs" (Pretty bold..but maybe i have those coz im not thin)

See.U dun have to be beautiful. U dun have to be perfect. U just have to be yourself. :)
Well, im not at the top of my self-esteem but these lil things that ppl say to me sounds nice and could make my day a lil. Thanks peeps.

Many Floors Down

This post has nothing related to floors or buildings or any structures at all. Read on if u feel like reading crappy criticisms.



First off. I don't and won't say something is good unless it is really good....I can be easy to please or impossible to please. I won't simply agree with that ppl say. I won't simply acknowledge something. I won't simply like what everybody likes. Anyhow, all the above mentioned scenario would be the opposite only when i'm too tired to think or the issue is too minor to get through my system. :p



Here are some stuff i saw over the weekends. A girl...who i thought was a negro...someone says she's pretty and guyz like girls like her. First look, she's small.As in super small. Her body is just right for her structure but her legs look like sticks...so i think she has to put some flesh to the sticks to make it looks like legs. No. She's not pretty. How can the adjective for face be mapped to body? It is like saying the house is pretty because it happens to be facing a shopping mall. Her hair is straight and no it is not natural. Its rebonded. How is that pretty? I dunno. It was well cut. So she earns a point there. I dunno why i see things ppl do not see and at times i think of things that doesn't even cross anybody's mind...as in they never think until that extent i could reach. No im not a genious...juz that my creativity is elsewhere and my imaginations could get wild. The final thing i saw on thet girl was....on one of her stick-lookin leg, there's a scar...a white one. Since she's dark as in DARK...BLACK...the scar was super seen...and no. Ppl do not see that coz they were blinded but the petite body and lil clothes. See ppl. U juz gotta focus to see things sometimes. No imagination required. Btw, here's what i also know about her. She talks like as if she's in a marketplace. LOL! Saw and heard it myself when she happened to drop by the table of introvert people i was sitting at. Another news....she barely has professionalism in here. I'll keep the disgusting details to myself.K? So guys, it is not just about the body. OK? Open up ur eyes. Look more. Think more. I dunno if any of u wanna spend the rest of ur life with a girl with some disgusting attitude juz for sex sake. :p Unless..ur brain happens to be down there...then i would have no comment. *Zipped mouth*



A friend of mine is thin..but not too thin. I consider her to have quite a nice bod minus her boobs and butt....is that nice? Nah...not nice bod....but how do i describe it now? Okay..Maybe she is off the right height and her structures are of the right size. There!That's more like it. Anyhow, her face is pretty pimply and her hands are pretty dented outwards. Btw, is dented the right word to use? Nvm. Her face...Mmm...she looks ok..sometimes she looks dull though. Maybe its her complexion. There are few seconds that she looks sweet.That's one point for her.


Another friend of mine. She's super petite. Small everywhere but her boobs are of the right size. An no i do not see her butt....as in it is maybe not obvious so i dunno....and no i didn't check her out. It one-look kind of thing. Whats wrong with her? Her face is too oval at some points. That's nothing too wrong coz itz god-made. The big WRONG sign is her teeth. I dunno if she even brush them once a day. Most of the days, her teeth are yellow...few other days, i could see blood.*Eeewww* I dunno how she has a bf..aren't guyz pretty picky?As in they want pretty girls.Good body. Smell nice. Nice hair. Sweet voice. Soft skin. Sweet smile. Where does her teeth fit?Odd....

Another of mine, she has nice long hair. I believe she doesn't brush her teeth too. Odd. I wonder how they could even feel comfortable. Guess their self-esteem is sooo beyond the top of the chart. To top it off, her nails are super long. She sometimes bite them. And of coz...clean off the dirt under one nail with another. So disgusting. These ppl are unbelieveable and it is even more unbelievable how they have a bf. *faint* Either the guyz are blind(blinded by the bodies) or they are juz like these ppl. :p



Letz quite physical stuff. I believe most of the stuff i've mentioned above are not born with these ppl. They made it that way. God, i believe won't create ugly stuff. It is u who doesn't brush ur teeth. It is u who put the scars on ur body. At times holes too. Holes as in weird piercings which make u look uncivilized or in other words barbaric. Sorry but that is how i see it. Things could be accidental but admit it, 70% of the cause is from ourselves just like how i got fat and dark.See what i mean?


Other than the physical side of the world, there are some very successful women who are just not married. Honestly, im scared to say anything related to all these but is pretty scary to be sooooooooooooo successful in career yet to fail to move to the next level in your life which is to have your own family. What is a big house without children running around in it. What's the point of having alot of bucks when there is nothing to buy til the end of our lives coz itz not that we can take the money to afterlife. Life is not just about career and money. U need company, security and of coz love. Your parents and people around u won't be with u forever...u need your own life companion and of coz kids. That's how living things lives their lives. Even plants die. i.e. banana trees would only have fruits once in their lifetime...to continue having more bananas, they have their lil kids to continue. I dunno if u see what i see but that is what i see. There are more to life than juz a high post, money and big house. The essentials would a reliable shelter with roof, water, electricity and gas..clothes and food and of coz enough money for all to continue living. In that case, we can juz settle with a fried egg with plain rice or bread instead of McDonald's or TGIF's meal. Got what i mean? ;)


As for guys, the common flaws i see so far; too skinny that they hardly look they could even have a stable stance, scrawny legs or arms or both, too much gel on their hair or funny hairstyle, smokes, simply annoying and crappy (in terms of actions and verbal),messy facial hair and most of the time...nasal hair...is that what u call the hair in da nose?LOL. And last but of coz super gross; spitting in public..EEeeewwwww.
Anyway,guyz...itz disgusting. :p Clue:MAJOR turn-off Girls like me would just disqualify u. :p

Enough grants. I'm posting this now before my pessimism gets a lil out of hand. :p Disgusting ppl out there, thanks for the input. LMAO!

I'm not over it...

I alwayz feel that it kills to hear someone getting married, getting engaged...giving birth to their child and etc. I usually feel like slapping their face for being able to move on to the next phase of their life and leave me behind. It is even worse now that i dunno when my time will come or if it will even come. :(

I never really thought about how i'd feel if my friend leaves the world. I'm not even given enough time to get to that thought. Last nite, i bumped into one of my classmate from college online. It has been ages since i last kept in touch with him. Anyhow, he told me an Indian girl from our class is already married (yeahh...another one gettin married..wth). Later on, he told me Jacqueline died already. I was soooo shocked. I asked him where he heard the news. He said one of the chinese guy in our class emailed him to inform. He isn't sure if it is for real. I was so in disbelief that i logged into my Friendster account to dig her account. And it is real. As her profile got loaded. The followings are what i saw. :'(

"May you reach by the god side without pain and sadness.. And leave this world with full of sins.. May god's bless always upon you...Rest in Peace.... "

"rest in peace, god bless u "

"hope u go to another best place...good bye... "

I really do not know how to react or what to think or say. Deep inside, im desperate to know what happened so i messaged 2 girls on her page to ask.

This morning til afternoon, i waited for a new mail to tell me what happened to her. All day before i received the email, i had millions of thoughts running above my head. I was hoping she was just sick til she passed away. I don't wish to see the word "rape","murder","slaughtered","road accident" or even "kidnapped" related to her death.

Finally, around noon..i received an email with her name as the title "jacqueline foo". The girl didn't say much. She just sent one line; "she died of falling from her condo, 9th floor." with 2 links to the news which reported what had happened to my dear friend.

The following are the links given.

• http://www.malaysianbar.org.my/legal/general_news/mont_kiara_tragedy_parents_blame_internet_predator.html


• http://www.malaysianbar.org.my/legal/general_news/mont_kiara_tragedy_remorseful_boyfriend_apologises.html

There must be other links and newpapers reporting this tragic incident but im to distraught to look up.

Though this is a lil too late..but here are some lil things i remember bout her. I met her back in Feb 03. She was 17 back then. She told all she was from Australia but what confused me was she conversed more fluently in Indonesian than English. She usually hangs out with an Indonesian girl in our class whose name i remember as Vina only. She was also the girl who managed to changed a dull looking malay girl from a local uni into a hip one just coz this malay girl admired her dressing so much.Hihi. Well, her sense of fashion made some other talked behind her backs. As a friend (though i do not know her too well), i usually tell people to stop talking about her. She is just who she is. She has her own mind and stuff. We have no rights to simply say whatever. Plus, she's not on my list of least favourite ppl. We talked just when we're in class and sometimes i'd go lunch with her when i dun keep my nose in some books in the college library. She was also the girl who would always order Shandy when she needs a drink. Honestly, the drink smells good so there was once i asked if it tastes good. She said yes and told me to try. I said no thanks coz it contains alcohol. Knowing she knows very lil bout Islam, i dun blame her when she insisted that i tried coz it only contains 1% alcohol..therefore i won't get drunk.Lol.I refused anyway and she respected that despit the fact that she doesn't really get it. We used to be in the same English class until the lecturer decided to separate the class into 2 groups. There was also once i remember she wanted to get a bikini for Vina for her bday. She barely says anything about her family but from what i remember, her mother was in Indonesia for some bzness-related stuff so she is staying with her dad. From what she had spoken of, her dad sounds like a very strict dad. Apart from her clothes, i know she loves swimming, dye her hair and of coz take pictures of herself. I was only in college for one semester. I then left to enter uni. Didn't really keep in touch with her after that. She was still on my MSN contact list and friendster though.I used to keep her number and email address until some points where she is alwayz changing them.And no i didn't meet her up after i left college. After some time, i only know what's going on with her through her Friendster profile.

This is extremely too late but here's what i've been having in my head or want to say to her as soon as i read the news.

1. Jac, i don't think ur parents can simply cancel out ur visa application; they love u and want u around.Plus, u're not longer underage. I believe u might have to sign something if u wanna get it cancelled unless ur everything is under ur parents. Worst of all, u still have ur Aust PR. U can just to there, get a job and someday be a citizen there. I believe Aust is better than Indonesia for u.

2. Whatever u do, don't ever not come home. Rebel all u want but keep ur parents close to u. They would understand eventually just that u might have to find some other ways to show them what they do not know. U and ur sis are ur parents' children, before u guys, they were not parents. Therefore, they also do not really know how to handle various kids' rebel. Our era and theirs are different. Therefore, there are things they won't understand and trust me, there are things they better not know at all. ;)

3. I didn't know u are on facebook..therefore i did not add u. Anyhow(i know it is wayyyy too late now), i just sent a friend request onto ur Facebook just incase someone opens ur account and saw a pending request....to ensure it happens if it happens, i attached a message to the request.Haiihhh.....

4. I was about to get hold of u and see what u can do with my hair. (Again...im too late)

5. Last and veryyy least :'( ... Jaq, why the raffea..... *sob sob sob* I'd rather hear u getting married or runaway than hearing u leave the world.

Rest in peace Jaq.

Many condolences to your family though none of them has even heard of me before.

What i've learned from Jac's tragic death:

1. Love is definitely blind.

2. We all want freedom especially when the folks use the word "No" or "Don't".

3. We wanna do what we wanna do until there are times we forgot to consider the pros and cons.

4. We will be parents too. Only then we'll pray hard our kids won't treat us like how we treat our parents now.

5. We will only appreciate that lil something when it is no longer around.

6. Mishaps happen all the time.

7. We tend to follow our hearts too much sometimes that we forget we have something better above our shoulders.

8. I'd rather hear my friends getting married and have kids than hear another death of a friend coz i really do not know how to handle it. :(