Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Crazy World. Breed with brains please.....

Bumped into this clip on my timeline. Very disturbed. Scared. Sad. Disspointed.

https://www.facebook.com/PuteraIzman316/videos/1270971996260828/

See people, it is seriously not just about sex and breeding.
It is not about boasting you're healthy and can breed many.
No point breeding scary angry people. U have battled your life just to bring this human into this world. This human is here because of you.

Yes, label me emotional.
I am very scared of the big responsibilities that I may/may not be able to hold.
I am very scared for my kids to be a victim. (Can I not puah for something which is probably not meant for me? The world is a scary crazy place.)
I am scared that my kids will drag me to deeper level of hell.
Yes, no point being scared you may say.
Take life one step at a time? Live life one day at a time?

14 years ago, I left school.
Left school with ugly memories of crappy friends and teachers.
Bullied by a big fat bully.
Guess what? Of all people to be in the uni with, the big fat bully was there.
Good thing i graduated first!

During my schooling years, I never feel belonged apart from my school when I was 11 and 12yo.
Those were the best years of my life. Fun years like how schools are supposed to be.

Eagles fly solo.
That was my motto.

Kept me alive with my head up!

Recent case where a 15yo fell to his death from 3rd floor of his school building.
This is someone's child. Someone's darling child. A boy who was soft-spoken. Kept to himself.
Yet, it happened.

Was he bullied? No.
Did he bully someone? No.
What did he do? He helped someone who routinely got bullied/pranked by someone else.

Monster child is scary to have.
Kindhearted child may be killed.

Can I just keep my eggs to myself.
This is one of the reasons I am barely jealous of anyone with kids.

Seriously, the starting point may not take brains but the result will take more than just brains.

Me.sad.scared.worried.dissappointed.

 p/s: Some people need to stop telling me to breed. God is prolly saving me from something. See, I am weak. I don't mind "going" after delivery if it means to save me from the world. World is a crazy place.



Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Happy Tears

When I was a kid, the phrase "happy tears" didn't make sense. At all. Why would you cry if you're happy? Like very happy? It only made sense when I entered adulthood.
How many events have there been happy tears in your life?
In my 30 years of life, I only remember crying happy tears 3 times.
 
The very first one was when my husband (then boyfriend) celebrated my birthday. My birthday always clashes with Mother's Day. Not so great if you ask me. :P I have made it clear that I would like 2 presents when I become a mother someday. So yea...in the restaurant where we celebrated, there were pink heartshaped cakes as it was Mother's Day. I saw the cake and thought "Eh! Strawberry cake! Pink and heartshape!" I didn't take it of course, doubted I could finish the cake coz we have already ordered a lot of food. What I didn't know was Mr.Boyfriend secretly ordered one of it and requested for a candle. I really didn't see it coming so while we were just enjoying our last course, there came a group of staff singing the birthday song and with the pink heartshape cake with a lit up candle on it. The sweetest, isn't he? That was my first happy tears. Even as I typed this, I clearly remember the moment and I swear I could still shed a tear. Happy tear.
 
See guys, we are emotional creatures. Oh! And we remember too. :p
 
2nd event, I cried when I got myself an electone. I had an electone but it didn't come with the full specs so when I played songs on it, I never got the full experience. Quitted my lessons when I entered university as I had no time. I figured my dad wouldn't want to fork out the little amount of money for it anymore. Furthermore, I won't have time to practice any piece of music anymore. Weekends are short. Very.
Upon completion of my degree, I entered the ratrace immediately. Shortly after, I decided to sell my first electone to get a secondhand electone of a higher model. I played all night long. Had it plugged to my earphones. I heard every single sound. I felt "Wow! This is what it feels like to have this. I managed to get this. The one I have always wanted. Full experience now." Cried while playing. huhuhu
 
The last happy tears: Mr. Husband got me a very belated birthday present. Wasn't expecting a present especially when it had been few months after my birthday month. Mr.Husband isn't one to spend much on anything.....so after the shared birthday trip (which I planned coz I wanted to experience snorkeling so much), I thought that was my present. Was happy and contented with the trip. Redang is sooooo beautiful! I am not sure if he enjoyed the boatride to the island but we have already committed. I kept quiet. I honestly didn't know if he would agree to go to the island if he knew the boatride is more than 30mins........Sorry mister. Gotta do what I gotta do. I can't be going alone. hahahahaha No tears shed there. There could be sad tears shed there though. :p
Happy tears were shed when it was few months down the calendar when someone went to check out a new mall with his brother and came back with a cute headphone with cat ears! He placed it on the table in my little craftroom...told me to open the door and see what is inside. Being the paranoid me, I thought there were insects or other creepy creatures....I asked if there is animal in it. He said "Yes" and insisted that I went in. Scared. Opened the door. Went in. There it was. On the table. My very belated birthday present. Took the bag out of the room. Cried in bed in his arms. No, it wasn't some bejeweled BOSE or beats headphone. :p
 
Why do I bother typing all these events?

Well, this is so that I remember my first few happy tears in my life(hopefully there will be many more to come) and that even if I cry sad tears every other day, happy tears did happen.
Life is not that pathetic after all, right?
 
Honestly, I am pretty low and I was wondering if it is possible for a guy to promise his wife that the tears she will ever cry after they are married are happy tears. No worries. Mr.Husband is smart enough to not make such promise. I would have cried harder if he did and doesn't try to commit to it. :p

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Fiction?

She said:
"Jadi perempuan memang kena makan hati kot. "
(It is the nature of being a woman to have heartaches.)

Sighhhh.........

Does it really need to be that way? 😔 We have already given up most of our norms if not all. My parents would say "Embrace them all with utmost sincerity." Where is the give and take then? I am sure there is a limit to everything. 😁 I am only human. 

"Sebaik-baik perkataan adalah diam." (The best word is to be quiet.) This is one of the many wise words I will keep close to me. Holds true especially when a heart is burden. Tough for someone who talks at every opportunity she has. I'm like popcorn. (Picture this: Popping corns in a pot.)

If there is one thing to be thankful for, it has to be the ability to shed tears when the heart couldn't take it anymore. 😭😭😭😭😭

Do song and romance novel writers treat their women better? Can someone give me an insight? While other girls in the world dream of a big wedding, I am very curious about this.  Best is to hear from Nicholas Sparks's significant other and daughters. *curious* Please don't tell me it is all fiction!

How about David Beckham?
Don't bother putting Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt in my list. They don't qualify. 😋 Heart over looks. Looks is bonus. The reason why I'm in some random ballerina flats instead of killer heels. How are these related? Go figure!



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Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Mr.Darcy & An Apple

Dreams. Just a word. Just a dream..
I believe there are many you call tell about a person from his/her dreams.
And dreams can be
I dream to have one house in every big city in the world.
I dreamt of my crush last night.
My nightmare woke me up crying in the middle of the night.

I used to remember all my dreams when I wake up that I find it very odd some people just do not remember. And some have their dreams in black and white. Interesting but I prefer mine coloured. Feels more real that way.

Throughout my life, I have dreams shattered. Dream realized. Dreams forgotten and of course dreams what woke me up scared, crying and even laughing! Most of the time, people in the dreams are faceless. How do we know it is the specific person? We feel it is them. 

This morning, I woke up almost crying. Sad and terrified.
1st scene, one of my parent was sooo excited to see apple at the front door. Somehow in my dream, I felt so offended. I was somehow dropped from the scene when apple turned up. Anyway, they never dropped anything for me. Let alone get so excited to see me. I'm no apple. Well, not that I even want to be an apple. I am already an apple size. :p It is just the feeling of being dropped from the picture kills. Ah well, at some point in life we will all be optional.

Terrified is when you are assigned to a scary Darcy-looking guy in your dream. Yes, we were in some mansion in my dream and this Darcy-looking dude and his fellow friends are looking for partners. His friends happily picked girls from the neighbourhood to marry and this Darcy dude picked me............................obviously he said he just wants me to be around when he needs me. Nothing sexual incase your mind wanders there. In my dream(or nightmare?), I was 21 dressed in a pretty deep red medieval dress. I expected to bring him papers, make him drinks and etc...yes, maid to Darcy-looking dude. I really don't know where this setting came from........I don't even like Mr.Darcy. Guess it is nice taming an arrogant dude. Just like how you get to crack open a shy guy.

What REALLY woke me up was the apple scene. And to add more to the least-important-person-in-the-world feeling, someone baked a pizza for himself and left none but dirty dishes for me. It doens't really matter but the dream and the no-pizza-in-view made me teary.....well, I've been teary these days anyway so no biggie. "=.= 

Now, where did this apple scene come from? Have I been thinking too much about apple returning? Maybe subconsiously....idk....I only remember thinking about when my beloved bro will be going back to his uni and when can I get the boys to sleepover at my little nest. 

At the back of my mind, I feel that someone is being soooo controlled by his own mind thinking everybody has all the expectations in the world for him to be around. I really don't understand why. Why are we more suffocated now that we are married? Is the way out a baby? If yes, baby is not making its way anytime soon so I guess I suffer some more? *sighhhhh*

It has been ages since I last penned anything here but today, I just need to let it out somewhere. Not that I want the entire world to read this (do I even have a reader here?). There are simply times when there is no one to talk to not because there is noone around but just no one who would understand. ATM, I have slight headache. Days have not been so good lately. I'll switch my focus to cleaning up my nest and hopefully I will have some time to stitch. 

I hate August 2015.




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Thursday, February 20, 2014

espressolab SS15 Subang Jaya

Our very first visit to espressolab :)
For all who believes there are only Starbucks and Coffee Bean Tea Leaf, step out of your cocoon!
 
SS15 is not strange area. It is probably the most hip and happening place to hang out in Subang Jaya area. Thank you the various food outlets and the universities nearby. Let's jump into espressolab!
 
We dropped by the "lab" after our meal at FIQ's Gastronomy. As we walked in, we were greeted by the cakes in the display chiller.
 
As you lift your head, you will see the very eye-catching feature wall. I LOVE THIS WALL!
Love the typography on it. Simple and definitely fun design!
 
 

 

 
The lab has 2 storeys so if you don't feel like cramping in the lower ground, walk up. :)
The level upstairs is spacious and there is another feature wall featurings all the different types of coffee.Hey! The lights form a heartshape lighting. :) 
 
There are high tables too!
 
This area could fit 50-60 people. They are open for reservation so call them up to book if you would like to hold a little gathering or birthday party for a dear friend or girlfriend or boyfriend or anybody at all! Club meetings work well here too. :)
 
If you smoke, make your way to the outdoor sitting. Decent view and it is very breezy~~~~ 
 
Here's our dessert; Nutella Mille Crepe.
 
There are 2 other flavours and Black Sesame being the hotselling one.
 
My next trip, I would like to try out their salted caramel choc cake and tiramisu!
Oh! Their ice blended and affogato as well!
 
Oh hey, they have lasagne too! :)
 
This is totally random. Bumped into Mr.Cat on the way back to the car.
 
Address:
B12-G & B12-1,
Jalan SS15/8A,
47500 Subang Jaya
Tel: 03-5612 3338
Facebook:

FIQ's Gastronomy

If you have always like the thoughts of fine dining but don't quite fancy the serious ambience, this is the place for you. FIQ's Gastronomy is a casual fine dining place.

My partner in crime decided to tryout this place after it has so much advertisements from my sis-in-law every time we pass by the area! She must like it very much.

So here we are. :) 
 



First impression as we walked in, nice interior!
The furnitures are from pallets (I think). Pretty cool!
The open kitchen is a good idea.

We opted to sit outside coz we fear smelling like food when we leave. Lol
Setup on the outside is like a garden. The table that we picked has one arm chair and we almost fought for it.

Here comes the menu. It looks like they will add more to the menu in the future(I hope I am right). A little preview below.

Wasn't very hungry so we tried

Crunchy Calamari
Very crunchy as named! Served on a blue wooden chopping board. (The board comes in many colours) Check out how the sauce spread on the surface.

Boneless Short Ribs
Tender meat. Tender carrots. If you are hungry, order 2.

Affogato
Not quite sure if it is just us but we can't finish this. Even after an additional scoop of ice-cream. Gotta be our first unfinished one.

Brownies
Again, nice presentation. Sorry but I have to take a break from brownies for now.
 
And packed Mac N Cheese for the few people at home to try.
Sprinkled with beef bacon and cheese. Not very cheesy if you are into the cheesy type.

Overall, nice hang out place. Youngsters will love it.
Good ambience. Food presentation is great. Attentive staff.
Service is adequately fast.

Here's a nice view from the outside to the inside. Looks framed.

The bomb?
Pardon them, their system is probably down.  :p
 
Address:
FIQ's Gastronomy
34, Jalan SS19/1D,
Subang Jaya
Tel: 03-5613 0473
Opening Hours:
Tuesday - Friday 12:00pm to 10:30pm

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Friday, February 14, 2014

If You Ask, Then You Must Know

I believe the word hijab,headscarf or tudung is no longer foreign with the growling number of Muslims around the globe. No doubt Muslims are more famous after the 9/11 incident.

There are even protests for not letting women wear the headscarves in some countries. Hijab. Why do Muslim women wear those? Wait, why is there even question as to why Islam calls for it? Has anyone asked why Buddhist monks wear yellow wraparound? How about the nuns outfits? They cover their heads too, don't they?

Simple answer to why Muslim women wear the headscarves is that it shows we are Muslim women. We worship Allah and therefore, we do as told. To set correct understandings, we are required to cover the aurah. Now, what is aurah? Aurah for a woman is every part of her body except her face and palm. Aurah for a man is between his belly button and knees. Aurah must not be seen other than family members.

Is it a must to wear the headscarf? Yes.
Is it a must to pray? Yes.

Are babies required to wear headscarves? No. Reason being they are not adults yet. In Islam, you are consider an adult as soon as you reach puberty. No matter if you have your first mensturation when you are only 9 years old.

You may wonder why do you still see many Muslim women without their headscarves. If you are that curious to find out, I suggest you walk up to them and ask what you would like to find out.

I admit. I have just started doing many more things which are compulsory for Muslims. Including covering my aurah. Once a physical change is made, questions and stares came from every direction. When you do something for your religion, you keep and open mind and your heart win remain calm while your ignore button is on. I believe many have asks why Hindus do not eat beef at some point in life.

Every religion has its own teachings. We are in no position to condemn others who do not believe in the same thing as we do. Bottom line, no religion promotes evil doings. Tell me, which religion encourages pre-marital sex? Which religion allows robbery as way of living?

Common questions asked to someone who has just started wearing the headscarf as following.

Why do you wear it?
I'm a Muslim. It is a must in my religion.

Why don't you wear it before?
I have sinned. It is wrong. I do not want to continue doing what is not right.

What happens if you don't wear it?
I'll be committing a gigantic sin and will be burned in hell. I will be hung by my hair and fit will be burned to my skull. Worst of all, my prayers are not taken into account.

Did your husband force you to wear it?
I guess this is a very subjective question. In my case, my parents and my husband have been feeling me to wear it since yonks but I was deep in the dark and did not wear it. Sorry.

What made you wear it now?
I love my religion. I love myself. I love my family. I love my husband. If I do not do as called for, I will be dragging them to hell with me. That is simply unfair. Especially if you really love these people. They love me too much for me to cause so much trouble in their afterlives (Yes, there is life after death and we will all be evaluated based in our doings in this world).

Apart from the above, I would like to reserve myself to my husband only. I would appreciate it if you do not offer your hand for me to shake too. I could reject it but it will be quite embarrassing for you. If not for both of us.

Guess this is it for this post. :)
Hope it has at least enlightened some of your doubts on why Muslim women wear the headscarves. To follow my initial journey with my headscarf, stay tuned.

Have a nice day!

Sincerely,
Ruz

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Monday, September 23, 2013

Honey Jujube Tea

What do you do when you can't drive but crave for something outside? You make it yourself.
As of now, I am craving for Oiso Honey Jujube tea! 

Here's the recipe:

  • 20 red dates
  • 5 cups of water
  • 3/4 cup of honey
If it ain't simple, I'm not gonna do it. :p
Well, not in my current condition atleast.

How to make honey jujube tea at in your kitchen?

Pit the red dates.  

Slice them.

Put them all in a pot.

Pour in 5 cups of water into the pot.

Put it on the stove and let it boil.

Once boiled, leave it for 10-15minutes.

Pour in honey. Stir.
Note: Honey sweetness varies. To ensure the drink is up to your "standard", give it a taste.

Ready to be served.
Since I want the normal cold honey jujube that I usually order at Oiso, I added ice to my glass. :)

Where to get the red dates? I believe most local supermarkets would have them.
I got mine from Aeon Wangsa Maju supermarket. :) RM12.90 per packet.

Banana Kiwi Smoothies

Got some leftover bananas and kiwis. 
Don't wanna eat it on its own so here's a banana kiwi smoothies.

You will need:
2 ripe bananas ( I chilled mine)
2 ripe kiwis (Chilled too...I simply like cold drinks)
5 ice-cubes

1. Skin the kiwis. Slice bananas and kiwis.
2. Put fruits and ice-cubes into a blender jug.
3. Blend it all together. 
4. Ready to be served. 

p/s: No pics. Was rushing for breakfast. 

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Journey to recovery - Painful Day

DAY 10
Date: 11th Sept 2013

Painful day. Back hurts. Stomach hurts.
Mom almost killed me. Why?

After my follow-up appt with the doc, Mr.Prince Charming charmed me into going lunch. I thought of just going to a small mall 3mins from the hospital but he took me to another mall 5-10mins away from the hospital.

Had lunch on the ground floor of the mall. I had baked fish. I am banned from eating chicken outside, remember? Ordered a cake and iced water. When done, we went to Cold Storage to grab some stuff. Of coz Cold Storage is not small for a sick person like me. I have walked a gazillion steps. Ok. I exaggerated but yeah..too many steps for a sick person.

The next day, Mr.Prince left for work and back to his parents' place for the week. Me? My back ached like crazy! Mom scolded. "Go out. Walk all day. Don't come back and tell me it hurts. You walked about like you are well. If anything happens, don't look for me.", she said.

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I spent the day lying down.

I still didn't think it was a gazillion steps. 
C'mon...it was just Cold Storage. It isn't the entire KLCC.....ah well, I admit. I underestimated my pain.

Journey to recovery - The Follow-up Appointment

DAY 9
Date: 10th September 2013

1 week done. I can walk but like a turtle. I won't say snail coz snail is just tooooo slow.
Felt scared coz the follow-up appt is when doc normally remove stitches. When I woke up in the morning, I checked my dressing. Clean. :) Quite nervous about the dressing removal.

Overworked brain had these thoughts:
Will it hurt to remove the plaster?Will it be like brazilian wax to remove the plaster? How strong is the plaster sticking to my skin? Will the stitches removal be painful? Does my scar look ugly? Is the scar healing nicely? What if there is pus? Will the doc poke the scanning stick inside me? Will it be crazy painful when it gets into me? What's the finding of my tissues sent to lab? Will there be more injections given? Will I be ok to walkabout? Will the queue be long? I have not gone to the toilet...will the toilet there be clean and comfy to do my business?

See! Millions of thoughts. hahahaha 

Anyway, I was the 2nd patient to see the doc. Nurse took my weight...I lose 4kgs. Of coz I do not believe it. I have yet to verify at home coz the weighing machine is upstairs and I have not climbed the stairs. Not gonna rush it.

After an hour(or maybe 1.5hours) of waiting, I finally get to see Dr.Marsita Mansor. She first briefed on what was done during the surgery and what happened. One of my cyst broke during procedure. I was shocked when I heard it (need to remind myself..it is not a cancerous cell!Don't freak out!). Doc said, she cleaned it up. First round of flushing was bad but second round was good. All cleared. When she opened me up, she found more areas stuck to my pelvic...she released them as well. If I waited for surgery, it would have been worse. :(

I kept asking if my uterus will go back to being retroverted. She said we will know after labour. Normally it doesn't. Even if it does, it will only be slightly slanted not entirely retroverted. That's good news. I don't think I can go through another round of this.

As for my period, the injection she gave before I checked out of the hospital is mean to hold the eggs from being mature. No eggs released. Therefore, no period. This is to give my system some time to recover. Esp when I had endometriosis. The drug is meant to suspend my period between 3-6months. And no, she won't be giving me any more shots. However, IF my period happens to occur before 3months, I will have to inform her.

She also mentioned that once I get my period, Mr.Prince and I have to be on gear 5. Oh myyyy haha

My tissues are clean. Not cancerous. Not seen to be regenerating in any manner. Phew!
Here's comes the rod scanner. Super scared. Doc said "Of coz I have to scan you. You have been through surgery. Scanning is nothing." haha She scanned. Position is correct. No longer stuck to the back. All looks good. There are eggs but they are immature. Small. Ovaries are smaller compared to the time before surgery. Guess it takes time to go back to normal.

When done, she removed the dressing. Guess what? It is not even painful. hahaha Mr.Plaster was kind. Doc was gentle. :) She said my wound is recovering fine. "Your skin looks nice. It is good." To hear that from a doc, you can smile. :) Or maybe grin. I asked if there are any stitches to be removed. None. She did the cosmetic type. No stitches to be removed Yahooooo!!!! I'm saved!

Doc prescribed calcium supplement; Proscal. Now I take calcium and omega-3 daily. :)
On top of that, there is also honey and pomegranate juice. Olive oil? I can't swallow...so Mr.Prince Charming is getting me Extra Virgin Olive Oil in capsule form.

On top of that, doc also mentioned for me to eat healthily. When it comes to chicken, eat the organic ones. She recommended the ones from Az-Zain. Mr.Prince has been getting me those as well. I enjoy my fishes so mom loaded her freezer with fishes. :) Guess my Nando's visit will be super seldom after this. :p

Big Chomp Burger

After my first burger bakar at Burger Kaw Kaw SS15, we decided to give another burger place a shot. Big Chomp Burger is along the same row as Burger Kaw Kaw SS15. Super "close" competition. 2 burger place just few lots apart. Interesting. I believe there can never be too many eating place in SS15 with all the college and uni students!



Pretty counter. :) This place is nicely done. :)
If you are unsure of what to order from the menu, don't be shy to ask the person behind the counter.

The normal buns are too mainstream that Big Chomp only offers charcoal and pandan bun.
I am not a fan of pandan but trust me, the pandan taste is not strong despite the colour. Which is a good thing. :) 

Meet Chomp C+ with pandan buns. :) 

This is The Beast with charcoal buns. I like my buns. :p I just realized that my mouth is not that big...I can't fit the entire burger into my mouth. haha I ordered my burger with set. It comes with fries and a drink. Yes, the drink is refillable. :) 

Cute napkin. I just know I need to capture it. lol

Nice ambience. Great hang out place. :) Mr. Prince Charming has been here twice.


The damage for one set of burger + 1 burger :
Address:
Big Chomp Burger
No.39, Ground Floor,
Jalan SS15/8A.
47500 Subang Jaya.
Selangor
Tel: 012-296 1269
Opening Hours:
Mon - Fri : 11am - 11pm
Sat - Sun : 12pm - 12am
Facebook: Big Chomp Burger https://www.facebook.com/BigChompBS

If you know where Asia Cafe is, Big Chomp Burger is across.
Parking could get challenging but the open space next to Asia Cafe is quite a safe bet. Especially if you come in the evening.

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Burger Kaw Kaw SS15 Subang Jaya

Burger Bakar...not sure what the hype is all about.....ended up here the other nite coz we didn't know what to eat and I wanted to go to iamlejen ;)

Before getting to this place, I saw soooo many stalls selling burger bakar. What is burger bakar? hahaha
Anyway, here we are at Burger Kaw Kaw SS15. When in doubt, order one beef and one chicken burger.






Cheezy fries. Just like the picture. Fries with melted cheese and garnished with herbs.

This is fraggy. It is wedges with some funky sauce, cheese and herbs.

Kah ching! Pardon the picture quality.

I don't quite like it. Taste is OK...but our food was cold despite the wait.
I DON'T LIKE MY FOOD COLD!
May not revisit. Sorry.

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Thursday, September 19, 2013

Journey to recovery - Day 5 to 7

DAY 5
Date: 6th Sept 2013

Felt slightly better. A friend dropped by to see me with her baby girl and husband. She brought me some fruits. Talked a lil. Ate a lil.

Blood pressure seemed fine...no more headaches. My mom told me to not over think as it is probably due to the drugs that have been introduced to me body. I believe she is right. I check my dressing everyday. So far, it is dry. Doc said dry is good so I guess I'm good. From time to time I feel slight pain at the part where I believe the cut is. My mom said it is probably the cut is healing.

Mr.Husband wasn't around...not until Sunday 8th Sept 2013. sighh...I think he needed a lil space too. Taking care of a sick person doing nothing could be draining. I pity him but I want him around. How?

DAY 6
Date: 7th Sept 2013

Just a normal day. Nothing new. Walking was still super slow.
2 friends said they were coming. Didn't know what time. They said some time in the evening.
No news til late to say they were not coming. "=.=
Mr.Husband came back. 

DAY 7
Date: 8th Sept 2013

Dad left for Melbourne. :( That made a weekend like a weekday.
2 friends finally came. Talked a lil. Ate lunch together. Organic chicken masak merah. (Mr.Husband said I shouldn't eat any other chicken apart from the organic ones.....ok darling.)
Parents and sis in-law came. Left when the sun was about to go down. As usual, I talked and laughed like as if I am 100% okay. :p

p/s: Won't do a daily status updates after day 7. Since the surgery, I have only been laying down on my back.....sighh No fun. Not easy. I can only bend my legs to find some comfort. Can't wait for the day when I can lay down on my side...thennnnn on my stomach coz that's how a cat like me roll! :p

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Journey to recovery - Day 4

DAY 4
Date: 5th Sept 2013

I thought my blood pressure will be back to normal. I thought I was right when I woke up with no more headaches. I was wrong when it came back after I had breakfast. =( 

My husband and I woke up a lil earlier to pack our stuff for check-out (sounds like as if we were at some hotels, eh?). Lunch came. I ate. I got dressed and wait for the nurse to come with the bills. How much was the bill? RM13036.60. Mr.Husband had to top up a lil coz my insurance only covered RM150 for room/nite. Still a small amount compared to the 5-digit bill. We were both relieved. Phew! His pimples popped upon hearing the total though. :p

Like hotels, check-out time is 12noon. We requested for a wheelchair to send me to the car. First time in a wheelchair man! Too bad we didn't take a pic. :( It was quite scary coz my insides were still painful.

The nurse waited by the entrance until Mr.Husband reached the entrance with the car. When I got into the car, I told him to go over the bumps super slow. That was also the day I wanted to curse the condition of the road surface!!!!! Anyway, I survived. =)

Next appointment with the doc is the following Tuesday 10th Sept; AM. I can't wait to see the doc again. hahaha

When I reached home, I got headaches on and off. It is scary. I drank water with a hope it will help. I ate bananas too. I tried not to read too much. I tried not to stare onto my laptop screen too long. When it gets scary, I lie down.

Journey to recovery - Day 3

DAY 3
Date: 4th Sept 2013

I would say I am feeling better. I could stand. I could go to the washroom on my own. (Under supervision though...just incase I fall or need help) Still painful but bearable. I could eat. I have regained my appetite! :)

By the time the doc came over to see me at 10am, I boasted. I said "Hi doc. I can stand already. I can go to the washroom too." And yes, I said that all with my chirpy tone accompanied by a big grin on my face. hahahahaha

She looked happy that I am happy too. I guess everyone is happy that I am looking much better. See! I know people will feel odd when I don't talk much! :p The world is simply less fun I guess. lol This is the day she will give me the injection to suspend my period. I asked if it will be painful. She said no. I asked her where will she inject me. She said "Your butt." siigghhh I gave her my butt anyway...

I felt the cold alcohol swab against my skin. Then the doc just plunged the syringe into me. I didn't feel a thing....odd. I asked if it is done. She said yes. I was in disbelief. I said "It is like as if you are lying."

My mom didn't believe I didn't feel it. She asked me again and again. I gave her the same answer. I really didn't feel anything. She said "You must have a very thick skin. The doc pressed deeply into your meat. Your meat was a lil dented and you didn't feel anything." Oh my....odd. Either my mom is right or the doc is awesome. Doesn't really matter as long as it is not painful. Doc gave me the packing. hahaha I am keeping it for memory sake. *Do ppl actually do that???*




The doc is super friendly that she even hugged and kissed my mom. She recited a few prayers with us. :) I told you she is nice! I believe my mom is having a good feeling about her too. She is just very gentle and motherly. What more can you ask for from a gynae?

Upon leaving, she told me I can be discharged whenever I am ready. I told my husband that I will be ready the next day. We informed the nurses so that they can prepare the necessaries by tomorrow morning.

That night, Mr.Husband brought back Paddle Pop rainbow popsicle. ^___^ One of my uni housemate dropped by and stayed til late. My blood pressure went crazy high that night too.... :( I was super worried. I was starting to get crazy headaches too. I forced myself to sleep believing I was just tired and it will go off when I wake up the next day. I was also scared they will hold me back. =|

Guess what? I didn't feel the syringe probably coz the morphine or the anaesthesia had lasting effect on me. About 2weeks after the injection, I feel numbing pain on my left upper thigh near the area where the injection was. Damn! 

Journey to recovery - Day 2

DAY 2
Date: 3rd Sept 2013

I just noticed I have a urine bag attached to me "=.= No wonder I didn't have to go to the toilet! (Some opening lines I've got there :p ) hahaha Mr.Husband was surprised that I didn't know. Well, I couldn't look down. Not even at my lower abdomen. To be more exact, I can't even sit up. I had a urine bag picture coz I have never seen it. I wanted to share it here but Mr.Husband disapprove so sorry peeps. No looking at my pee bag. :p

When I woke up to Mr.Sunshine in the morning, 2 staff nurses came and out of nowhere said "Mandi". Great. Now I have to let other ppl bathe me. "=.= I have never been bathed by anyone after I started kindergarten. I have no idea how a sick person is bathed and now I do. :) The nurses also replaced my bedsheet after they bathed me. It wasn't as bad as them wanting to wash my back coz I can lift my butt to allow them to replace the bedsheet; I practiced bending my legs the previous night coz I felt dead lying down on my back all the time and at some point I discovered I can lift my butt. :p

Bad news. Ran out of Mr.Morphine at 11am after I bathed.sobbbssss The machine made noise so I called for the nurse. She said it is making noise coz the med is finished. I thought she would take a new one coz she disappeared for awhile. She didn't come back. I called for the nurse again. She said doc won't give me anymore. If I still feel the pain, they will give me a shot on my butt. I said ok. I am scared of pain. They were already giving my pain killers.

At this point, my gynae has yet to visit me. I wondered why. I only know she will be at the hopsital in the morning. She finally came at 12pm or 1pm to said hello. Met my mom. She told me she didn't come any earlier coz it is pointless to explain to me while I was still groggy. I will only make her repeat the same thing again and again. She brought a nurse along. The nurse looks experienced. My gynae told the nurse she wants to disconnect me from everything. She wants me to be on my own.

She said "I want to see you on your feet tomorrow. You cannot just lie down. You need to go to the washroom on your own. I don't want you to be bedridden. When you get down, wiggle your toes before you stand. Stand up straight. Don't slouch to give way to the pain. Walk one step at a time. Left. Right. Left. Right. I know you can do it!" Sighhhh I signalled the nurse to take everything off tomorrow. I wasn't ready. *like as if the doc will let me get away with it!*

My dear mom took the opportunity to complain to the doc that I wouldn't eat anything. I barely drink anything. When ppl say something funny, I make them keep quiet and would cry if I couldn't contain my laughter. It was such a torture. Trust me. Doc wasn't happy to hear that.

After what she said, she gave me strength to want to get up! I suddenly wanna try sitting up. I asked her when she will come to see me again. I don't know why I felt that I need to see her again. Maybe she gives me the confidence. Maybe she gives me the assurances that I need to feel and be normal again. She makes me feel like I can do it! ahaha During her visit, she checked my dressing as well. It was dry. She said it is good. Phew! She mentioned that she will give me drug to put my period on hold for 3 to 6 months. She will inject me tomorrow. I asked her if she will come and see me again like a kid asking if her mother would be coming for her. lol She said "Tomorrow." =)

At 3pm, the nurse came back to disconnect me from every attachments. I told her she can take off the IV first. I will eat. She asked about the urine bag. I told her to come back in the evening after my husband has had dinner; 8pm.

Shortly after, my mom left. She told me to not stand up on my own or I might fall. I told her not to worry. She told my bro to put the sides of my bed so that I won't fall. Mother knows. hahahaha Right after she left, I gave Mr.Husband updates about the attachment and I need him to come back quickly. He was gone for the entire day! If I wasn't sick, I would have killed him! I wanted to sit up so badly but he is still not around so I gathered all my strength to tug onto the sides of my bed to sit up. I first rolled to one side and then pulled myself harder to sit up.

When my husband finally came back into the room, I was already sitting up. I told him he will need to walk me to the bathroom later. He said OK. 8pm came. The same nurse came back. I was sooo scared that it might hurt to remove the cable from my bladder to the urine bag. Thank god it did not!

This is how I looked like after I managed to sit at the edge of the bed to wiggle my toes. My dear husband took this shot and sent it to our parents as progress report. I looked miserable! urgh The reason I set the pic to medium size. :p

Here's a pic of the first bouquet I received after my surgery. It was ordered by one of my kids at work. Thank you Alex! :) I love the combination of the flowers! Pink and red roses with forget me nots. :) My mom said it is very sweet and pretty too.

This came the day after. The message read,

Dear Ruzanna,
Ma you enjoy this time off to put your feet up and recover fully.
We hope that the next few weeks are filled with lots of rest and relaxation.

From,
Your fellow STORM Troopers

Pretty bouquet. I have not received many bouquet of flowers in my life so I love those I have received. :) The bouquet below has lilies. Lilies are not cheap! And they remind me of my godmother. Should ring her one of these days. This also has grapes and Forrero Rocher. My husband loves the choc. He almost finished it. :p No honey, I'm not angry. I don't mind you eating them for me. The more you eat, the less I get. :) That is a good thing. Don't worry. ;)


I didn't get to put my feet up yet when I received this, It was too painful. ihihihihi

The following is my MC given by my doc. Yes, you read that right. 42days. Lucky? I just went through surgery. I had barely walked. My insides are crazy painful. I will be in pain and gawd knows what else. Lucky? Think again.

I am luck that I still have my loved ones to love and care for me. I am lucky to have gone through a successful surgery. I am lucky that I found out about my condition before it was too late. I am lucky the insurance company covered my expenses! 


Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Yet another surgery...checking into the hostpital

Venue : KPJ Ampang Puteri, Room 544
Date/Time : Check-in: 2nd Sept 2013, 12:30am | Check-out: 5th Sept 2013, 12noon.
Reason : Endometriosis and PCOS
Companies : Darling husband(resident :p), mama & Shahril.
Visitors: My parents, parents in-law, Lina, Hafiz and his friend Along, Erlena(my dear housemate from uni years)

DAY 1
Date: 2nd Sept 2013
I have been advised to get myself admitted slightly after midnite on the operation day. This is to give some time for me to settle down and prepare for surgery. Honestly, I am not sure what kind of preparation will take place. I have never been so clueless before and there is nobody to ask. 

To register for admission past operation hours, you will need to to go Emergency section. Honestly, I am not very fond of Emergency area. I always imagine Emergency to be very gruesome; people rushing through from accidents looking nasty with skin (if not organs) falling apart. Thanks to my super imaginative mind. Anyway, it was peaceful when I reached the hospital. 

Went to the registration counter with my file and documents. Waited for about 20-30minutes (didn't time coz I was busy reading). When my name was called, the officer mentioned that I have already been assigned to a 2-person room. Since I need my husband to be with me all the time, I requested for a single room. Number of rooms were low as hospital is under renovation. The officer made few calls to arrange for my room. Luck was quite on my side. We got the room we want. :)

I signed the registration form and few other papers before going into the room. Made a mistake there. I didn't check if my name was spelled properly; they missed an N. I only noticed when the nurse wanted to put the tag onto my wrist.

Here I am. Checking out the room. The spot where I was standing is where the extra bed for Mr.Husband was placed. Yeah, he got the window.


This is me on the bed. Settling down. Before a nurse came in to check on me.
What she did was take my blood pressure reading and put on the patient tag.

My surgery was scheduled to be at 9:30am. I know there are more preparation to be done on me. At 8:30am, my parents dropped by to check on me. No news from any nurses. I grew anxious so I went to the counter on my floor to ask. The nurse mentioned that my name is on in the Operation Theater(OT). Ho noess......ah well...when I encounter situations like this, I ask myself what's the worst that could happen? Worst case, my surgery won't take place as scheduled but the following Monday and I will have to extend my leave...

When the clock struck 9am, a nurse came in with the OT gown for me to change into. She said I will have to go to the OT soon. By then, my dad has left for work so there were just my mama and husband.

Honestly, I like the gown. The material is good and feels comfy. It is also great that it is quite thick and not transparent. :)

Here's a pic of me getting wheeled out of my room to the OT. It felt odd being wheeled while you are lying down. At this point, I was still feeling fine. My room was at level 5 while the OT on level 2. Did I mention I am scared of hospitals? Read: Ghosts and dead people. Whenever I get into the elevator, I never went deep into the elevator....I stayed by the door in a position ready to exit the elevator so you can imagine how I feel when they wheel me into the elevator on the bed. My head was at the deepest end of the elevator. Since it is the staff elevator, I was alone with the 2 nurses as per pic below. sighhhh

Relieved to see my mom and husband again. This pic is taken right outside the OT. My husband is apparently very happy to take this kind or pic; we look like midgets. Thank god I was lying down.

Since this isn't my first time to enter OT, I know not to have anything on me. By nothing, I mean baby butt naked nothing. So accessories, no contact lenses, no nothing at all. This is when the nurse interrogated me with few questions.

Nurse: Is this your first time to undergo surgery?
Me: No.
Nurse: Do you have any accessories on?
Me: No.
Nurse: Do you have your contact lenses on?
Me: No.
Nurse: Any loose tooth?
Me: No.
Nurse: Are you allergic to any meds?
Me : No. Not that I know of.

She then verified my name, IC number and what kind of surgery I will undergo. I don't know all the details but I know the 2 major procedures that will be performed unto me. As you can see in the pic below, I have moved from my bed to the OT bed. OT bed has no sheets on it. I got onto it on my own coz I can still move. :p

After the little interview, I was wheeled into the OT waiting area. My husband and my mom kissed me farewell. I can't tell the time or how long I waited coz I am extremely short-sighted and having no watch on my wrist is soooo not helping. My gynae greeted me with anaesthetist. The anaesthetist introduced himself and told me I will have spinals done. He asked if I agree....what do I know? I answered, I will follow what my gynae recommended for me. Yes, I trust her that much. :)
I was only super concern if I will be conscious and feel the pain. He said no. I trust him.

After some time, I was still not wheeled into the OT. I just waited. Then I heard a little commotion between a woman and few nurses about punctuality. Surprise surprise, the woman was my gynae. hahaha I was quite nervous about her being angry and then perform surgery onto me. I was about to ask her how she was when she attempted to wheel me into the OT herself. haha 2 nurses came rushing to wheel me into the OT.

If you have been in an OT before, you would know how cold it is. Atleast for the patient it is. At this point, I was nervous about my gynae but it died when she came to me and guided me to recite prayers with her. :) I know she is calm enough for the procedure. Professionalism. I like that. :)

Then as usual, nurses came rushing to take my blood pressure, put on the heartbeat monitor and few others that need to be done to prepare me for the surgery. The painful bit is obviously with the anaesthetist. :p He first poked a vein on my wrist and turn on the IV. I hate this bit.

When someone mention spinal, it means it is done at your spine. urgh! I was told to sit up...a nurse wiped a big cold alcohol swab onto my back. A male nurse gave me a pillow and showed me a tugging action. I got it right away. It is to help me bear the pain. I only could say prayers. Was soooo scared. soobbbssss When the anaesthetist start poking my back to inject the med, it was super painfulllllllllll. I almost resisted. He told me to relax. I almost cried. Few seconds after, there are pins and needles in my left leg. The anaesthetist asked if my leg felt heavy. I said only my left leg. He came back with a needle. He showed me he has a needle and poked my left shoulder. Trust me. After so much pain, I thought he wanted to inject me again....... Guess what? He poked to let me feel the needle coz he wanted to check the effectiveness of the meds. haha He then poked my legs and asked if I felt the needle. Nope. Not a single prick. When he poked my lower abdomen, I felt it a little. He looks satisfied. I now know how paralyzed ppl feel. I think. =|

I was shivering already. My teeth were clattering.

My upper body was shaking real hard that I could almost fall of the OT bed. Someone told a nurse to bring in the blower. They placed a pole-like stand near my stomach and place a blanket on it. That way, I had no view of anything beyond my stomach. Inside the blanket is where the blower was placed. I am super thankful for it.

I can't remember when I fell asleep. Maybe I was tired. Halfway through (atleast I think it is halfway), I woke up and felt movements on my lower body. Not exact movements but just pressure. I saw pipes with liquid moving in it. I don't know if I should be thankful for my short-sightedness of not. haha I could have seen more if I weren't. For my curiousity, I would be nice. For my faint heart, it may not be good. I might freak out. lol

I knew it would be done soon when I heard my gynea said "I'm almost done here."

By end of surgery, I got wheeled out of the OT back to the waiting area. Yes, I was wide awake. My gynae told me it is successfully done. I asked if the position of my uterus has been fixed. She said "Yes. All cleared.". Phew! I don't know why I always have to ask questions after my surgery. During my last surgery, I asked the dentist has removed all 4 teeth not just 2. haha

In my head, I have decided. If it wasn't done as expected, I want them to wheel me back to the OT and get it all done. I am never coming back another time for the same surgery!

Don't know why Mr.Husband took this but here you go. :p Must be a sample for the factory or something. This must be taken while I was in OT.


While waiting, I heard how the nurses had to wake the patients under GA. They must be thankful I went under spinals; one less patient to wake :p First my mom came. Then my husband came to see me before I got wheeled back to my room. Before that, I had to go through another round of torture; move back to my bed. During this time, I still couldn't feel my legs. 2 nurses moved me. Rolled me onto the bed. The experience......*speechless*

When I reached my room, everyone was there. I reached out to my phone to inform friends that it is done. lol I went on talking like nothing has been done onto me. Odd. I still couldn't feel my legs so I asked the nurse when will I be able to feel my legs again. The meds apparently lasts for 6-7hours. I had to keep looking at the clock to ensure they are right and more importantly, my legs "come" back to me.

Lunch time passed. Dinner passed. With the IV and morphine on me, I didn't feel like I need to eat. Wasn't hungry and no appetite. I didn't want to go to toilet too soon too. Was thankful I didn't have nature calling me right after my surgery. 

A nurse dropped by to give me some meds. She mentioned "Take it after meal." She also asked if I feel like vomiting. I said no. She said some ppl would throw up due to morphine. I guess I am different. Since I have to take the meds after food, I tried eating Gardenia Orange Waffle. Too bad. After the first bite, I threw up. I buzzed the nurse to tell I need to vomit but too late. I was wrong about being different too. Thank god it was just some fluid mixed with the orange waffle. Thank you Mr.Husband for helping to clean me up. Sorry you had to do that. I know you love me. Anyway, it was painful. Insides were painful so I shed a single tear. Nurse told me to press the button for meds whenever I am in pain. Thank god for morphine!

At that point, I didn't care about food anymore. I just drank a lil bit of plain water and took my meds. Sooo thankful it is in capsule form. If it is liquid, I'll juz tell them to inject it into me. haha

That night, I found out it is crazy painful to cough. I accidentally coughed while sleeping. Cried a single tear again. sighhhh Mr.Morphined helped. He took the pain away and puts me to sleep. phew! Click click click. The machine was a lil problematic coz the nurse had to down to the OT for replacement twice else the beeping sound won't stop and we all can't sleep.hahaha I was barely sleeping during the 2nd night in the hospital; in pain, nurses came in almost every 2 hours to take my blood pressure and temperature. That night, I had slight fever but felt indifferent. I took the paracetemol nevertheless.