I'm not over it...

I alwayz feel that it kills to hear someone getting married, getting engaged...giving birth to their child and etc. I usually feel like slapping their face for being able to move on to the next phase of their life and leave me behind. It is even worse now that i dunno when my time will come or if it will even come. :(

I never really thought about how i'd feel if my friend leaves the world. I'm not even given enough time to get to that thought. Last nite, i bumped into one of my classmate from college online. It has been ages since i last kept in touch with him. Anyhow, he told me an Indian girl from our class is already married (yeahh...another one gettin married..wth). Later on, he told me Jacqueline died already. I was soooo shocked. I asked him where he heard the news. He said one of the chinese guy in our class emailed him to inform. He isn't sure if it is for real. I was so in disbelief that i logged into my Friendster account to dig her account. And it is real. As her profile got loaded. The followings are what i saw. :'(

"May you reach by the god side without pain and sadness.. And leave this world with full of sins.. May god's bless always upon you...Rest in Peace.... "

"rest in peace, god bless u "

"hope u go to another best place...good bye... "

I really do not know how to react or what to think or say. Deep inside, im desperate to know what happened so i messaged 2 girls on her page to ask.

This morning til afternoon, i waited for a new mail to tell me what happened to her. All day before i received the email, i had millions of thoughts running above my head. I was hoping she was just sick til she passed away. I don't wish to see the word "rape","murder","slaughtered","road accident" or even "kidnapped" related to her death.

Finally, around noon..i received an email with her name as the title "jacqueline foo". The girl didn't say much. She just sent one line; "she died of falling from her condo, 9th floor." with 2 links to the news which reported what had happened to my dear friend.

The following are the links given.

• http://www.malaysianbar.org.my/legal/general_news/mont_kiara_tragedy_parents_blame_internet_predator.html


• http://www.malaysianbar.org.my/legal/general_news/mont_kiara_tragedy_remorseful_boyfriend_apologises.html

There must be other links and newpapers reporting this tragic incident but im to distraught to look up.

Though this is a lil too late..but here are some lil things i remember bout her. I met her back in Feb 03. She was 17 back then. She told all she was from Australia but what confused me was she conversed more fluently in Indonesian than English. She usually hangs out with an Indonesian girl in our class whose name i remember as Vina only. She was also the girl who managed to changed a dull looking malay girl from a local uni into a hip one just coz this malay girl admired her dressing so much.Hihi. Well, her sense of fashion made some other talked behind her backs. As a friend (though i do not know her too well), i usually tell people to stop talking about her. She is just who she is. She has her own mind and stuff. We have no rights to simply say whatever. Plus, she's not on my list of least favourite ppl. We talked just when we're in class and sometimes i'd go lunch with her when i dun keep my nose in some books in the college library. She was also the girl who would always order Shandy when she needs a drink. Honestly, the drink smells good so there was once i asked if it tastes good. She said yes and told me to try. I said no thanks coz it contains alcohol. Knowing she knows very lil bout Islam, i dun blame her when she insisted that i tried coz it only contains 1% alcohol..therefore i won't get drunk.Lol.I refused anyway and she respected that despit the fact that she doesn't really get it. We used to be in the same English class until the lecturer decided to separate the class into 2 groups. There was also once i remember she wanted to get a bikini for Vina for her bday. She barely says anything about her family but from what i remember, her mother was in Indonesia for some bzness-related stuff so she is staying with her dad. From what she had spoken of, her dad sounds like a very strict dad. Apart from her clothes, i know she loves swimming, dye her hair and of coz take pictures of herself. I was only in college for one semester. I then left to enter uni. Didn't really keep in touch with her after that. She was still on my MSN contact list and friendster though.I used to keep her number and email address until some points where she is alwayz changing them.And no i didn't meet her up after i left college. After some time, i only know what's going on with her through her Friendster profile.

This is extremely too late but here's what i've been having in my head or want to say to her as soon as i read the news.

1. Jac, i don't think ur parents can simply cancel out ur visa application; they love u and want u around.Plus, u're not longer underage. I believe u might have to sign something if u wanna get it cancelled unless ur everything is under ur parents. Worst of all, u still have ur Aust PR. U can just to there, get a job and someday be a citizen there. I believe Aust is better than Indonesia for u.

2. Whatever u do, don't ever not come home. Rebel all u want but keep ur parents close to u. They would understand eventually just that u might have to find some other ways to show them what they do not know. U and ur sis are ur parents' children, before u guys, they were not parents. Therefore, they also do not really know how to handle various kids' rebel. Our era and theirs are different. Therefore, there are things they won't understand and trust me, there are things they better not know at all. ;)

3. I didn't know u are on facebook..therefore i did not add u. Anyhow(i know it is wayyyy too late now), i just sent a friend request onto ur Facebook just incase someone opens ur account and saw a pending request....to ensure it happens if it happens, i attached a message to the request.Haiihhh.....

4. I was about to get hold of u and see what u can do with my hair. (Again...im too late)

5. Last and veryyy least :'( ... Jaq, why the raffea..... *sob sob sob* I'd rather hear u getting married or runaway than hearing u leave the world.

Rest in peace Jaq.

Many condolences to your family though none of them has even heard of me before.

What i've learned from Jac's tragic death:

1. Love is definitely blind.

2. We all want freedom especially when the folks use the word "No" or "Don't".

3. We wanna do what we wanna do until there are times we forgot to consider the pros and cons.

4. We will be parents too. Only then we'll pray hard our kids won't treat us like how we treat our parents now.

5. We will only appreciate that lil something when it is no longer around.

6. Mishaps happen all the time.

7. We tend to follow our hearts too much sometimes that we forget we have something better above our shoulders.

8. I'd rather hear my friends getting married and have kids than hear another death of a friend coz i really do not know how to handle it. :(