Damnit!!! @home

I dunno why but somehow now, i've gotten back to my electone and i'm looking forward to sell off my very old model of electone (EL-25)and get a used EL-500.The salesperson can't take more than RM1.7k for my electone and for me to get the model i wanna buy, i will need to pay RM250 every month for 2 years...not that long rite?But i dunno where i'll be within that 2years....So now i'm really thinking...and i have to decide within 2weeks....*sighhhhhhh*

Sometimes i wish i could be far away from home.No doubt i will miss them.Miss the homecook food and of coz miss my room. :( But things at home can be very tensed.I really wish i could cry all of this out...but surprisingly i can't. :(

When i got home last nite, it was already about 8:30pm. I ate my dinner.Then when i saw my 17-year-old bro. I asked him if he has gotten his bicycly fixed. Number one, my dad will use my car to send him to school which will cause my car's petrol(i'm not rich to keep filling in the petrol) and of coz the risk of not getting a parking spot near my block.*sigh*
Secondly, he will have to walk home everyday which oddly he doesn't mind these few weeks...very odd...i doublt he walks...he must have someone sent him home.Some rich friend's sis or mother or driver...i dunno.
When by bro said no, i asked him why not, he replied "No, i don't have time". I was like..."No time??What time do u get home btw?" He said 4 or 5pm everyday.IS that even late?Is that what u call 'no time'?Itz now the 'whether u-want-it-or-not question.Then there came my dad's voice; "Enough...why do u have to create such situation?It has nothing to do with you" ...well nothing to do with me but definitely something to do woth my money!!!!I juz replied "He would have to walk home everyday if he doesn't get it fixed." My dad replied "It is alrite.Up to him.Stop this.you have reminded him once and that is enough already.Stop this." My last reply was "Yea..it's nothing just that u can be on your own feet why bother be one someone else's shoulders and depend on them to carry u?" Then my dad went ballistic; "What is wrong with you???!?!What is your problem?Why do you like this kind of situation so much?This has nothing to do with you.Why is it such an issue?Can't u keep keep quiet?I really don't get you.What is wrong with you?Stop this." As expected, i shut up but to hear him talk like that to me, i dun feel good being home anymore. :'( And that somehow brought back the scene when i was involved in an accident with the police bike with his companies' rented car; "I have done the stupidest mistake in my life...Why did u drive this car?..What am i going to answer to the management?What will happen to my record at work?" Problem with me is, i live in the past sometimes...well, maybe most of the times just becoz I REMEMBER.After all the commotion, i cleared up the dishes and put them on the rack and head to my room.Til now i feel i dun wanna be here. :(

:'( Lemme just cry in my heart.