Itz OKAY

There are times I wonder if I would die earlier than many others. You may wonder why I came up with that kind of opening and no doubt many would be angry if I say it out loud. The "weight" I need to hold in my heart is at times too great. People normally say "What you give you get back". It is most of the time true when you treat someone badly. How about the case where you are the ears or shoulders one can lean on to through their hard times or simply a bad hair day? I doubt it still holds true. I don't think I get either of this in return. Esp lately...

As much as I do not want to pour things out I know I still need to coz I don't know how else I can lift up myself..the very least; my heart. Besides jotting important life events in a diary, I think the reason why one has it is to release a lil bit of weight from the heart. Best part of it, it only "listens" and not question your silly actions or thoughts. It is a world of its own. Here I am, attempting to lift myself a little in a virtual world. I love saving papers but this time, I'm glad it is not on paper; I would end up smudging words that I write not only with the hand I'm writing with but also with the tears that flow out together with the words.

WARNING : Contents may contain sharp objects in various sizes.

Many around me may think I'm either tired or stressed out with my remourseful look these days. If you have this cloud above your head, this post may clear it up as long as your cloud is not as big as mine. To answer the first thought, I am both tired and stressed out....plus dissappointed and confused...and no doubt frustrated. Heavy. I know. I'm thankful the keyboard won't tell me to be thankful and there are others with bigger issues and less fortunate out there. And it won't tell me to stop whining or blame PMS on the wrong date. *Phew!*

This goes in many degrees. From personal issue to workplace to colleague to family to .........maybe everything surrounding me...

ONE - Me, Myself and I
I know my weight is beyond help now that we are going to be in December in juz few days time. My skin...I don't wanna discuss it here. My hair...I don't wanna discuss it here too. Same for my teeth...no decays but there's something that needs to be done and it involves operation...letz not go there and plz dun question me.

TWO - My Nest
My room. ok..I've got 2 rooms. 1 is super tidy. The other is super untidy. I've started clearing up stuff but I simply have too many stuff that after the pause, I dunno where's the resume point. And yea, few days left. *Sweat* don't bother telling me to throw away stuff I don't need anymore as I've already done it. Thank you. And yes, the clothes will be sent to a place where the less fortunate can pick.

THREE - The Job, The People and The Workplace
It would be wrong to rant this out and to mention name and places. So I will leave that out. What I can say is that my job is all virtual. It involves complaints and problems and requests and whatnot...which are all vitual. :p My work is not a pile of books you can read or go through and mark it as REVIEWED. If you don't get this, you will never get this. Sorry if that comes out harsh but yea...I've explained this way too many times to some ppl but they still couldn't get it and still ask me the same question about my job. =| Even if your work involves complaints and stuff...it probably doesn't involve you solving the sutff that the ppl actually complain about. And no..I'm not saying I'm and important person or my job is better or busiest compared to the whole nation.

The people. Many types.
People who expects you to get things done even when they don't know what you have to do or have to go through to get it done. This is normally those who you have to impress or in my case, people I don't want to step the wrong foot on. I don't work to impress. I love impressing myself though. It gives me more satisfaction. What do I get when I satisfy others first? I dunno. =p Maybe heartache or tears. *There goes my pessimism. Pardon me in my current state of mind and emotion.*

Then, there are people who decides you need to do this piece of work without knowing what he has decided. Funny? Trust me. This species is quite dominant. And yes, they are normally bigger than you. They will juz say "I want to replace this door by tomorrow. I have promised the client. They have agreed. You can do it. Do it." What they do not know is what the activity involves and best of all, they don't have buffer when you found termites underneath the door frames. Sounds fantastic rite? *That's a lil bit of my sarcasm kickin' in* This group of people is annoying.

Bossyboots. This bunch is obviously more annoying. As much as it is painful to deal with people, I am actually a people-person. I care. If you need that someone to get something done for you, consider her situation and most importantly, ask him/her nicely. You definitely want her to put her heart to what you need her to do coz u want it perfectly done so why give her such a nervewrecking feeling rite? Common sense yo! Pest. Coz they pester. =p

The ones who look up to you. This lil group of ppl are not annoying. If you find them annoying, you need to fix yourself. This has nothing to do with boasting but coaching. Crucial coz you want the lil ones to know and understand things correctly. GIGO. Remember? Wait...incase you dunno, it is Garbage In Garbage Out. Worst part is, you will get mirrored as garbage too coz you taught them garbage AND since you triggered the garbage, you need to clear up the garbage. If you don't get this...I feel sorry for you.

Place. Not too much about it I guess juz how it is managed or rather slotted/divided/shared/.... in the current location. =\ Apart from that, the word privacy doesn't exist on this part of the universe. hoho I dunno how many friends would turn up at my wedding reception. Thank you. It will be very memorable. Thank you.

'Nuff bout work. It never ends.

If you still don't understand what I do for living, don't bother even trying. It will either break me or break you. Let it  be. I will deal with it as I go with the flow. No point forecasting the subsequent months when no one knows what itz gonna be like.

FOUR - The Bells
It rang. And now it is getting louder coz it is getting nearer. Preparations? I don't quite know if 50% is done or not. There are things here and there and yea..EVERYWHERE. Last minute change of plans happens at almost every milestone. Set the date. Date was wrong so need to bring it fwd. Decided on the room. Got the furnitures and the curtains. Then feel like the room is wrong. The so-called correct room doesnt' even have the curtains matched to the theme.

One of my best pal said she may not be able to make it to the 1st reception. I didn't have the time to feel devastated. I juz know if it is true, then I will need to hunt for my other best pal and need to do it fast esp when there are clothes to match the theme rhequired. *sweat* The groom, no tux yet. His bestman...dunno bout clothes but maybe the person himself is probably not appointed yet. I dunno. Not within my control and being kaypo and not able to help is not good. This bestman needs to wear according to the theme. That's for first reception. 2nd reception, my bridesmaid's dress is probably(and hopefully) being tailored now coz I've given her the cloth weeks ago. The bestman...dunno who....dunno whether he has a suit or not...then again,according to many guys..it is more likely that they have a suit and it is easier to look for one even if they dun have one. Shirt is chicken feet...can get it from anywhere to match the theme. Would their green tones be of the same one? I dunno. No news. 3rd reception,last I heard...we will be wearing white. Haven't found the pair of clothing yet. Again. Not within my scope so not going to be a kpc. It will only annoy others. The bestman and bridesmaid...I dunno what they need to wear...what colour..which tone...i dunno. No news. Go ahead. Tell me to not worry about things which are not related to me. Thanks!

The rings. I'm glad I played the pester role coz it took almost a month to be ordered. And money doesnt' come from the sky too. This is done so it is not part of the rant. I still wanna put it here though. =p Sorry I pestered but didn't contribute.

The dowry....no news. I really dunno the status. If there is no diff, then my form is still pending. With the form still pending, what happens to the solemnization? I dunno.

What's left apart from the few mentioned? The room deco, hse deco, doorgifts, cakes, hand bouquets....ok..I can't think anymore....but trust me, there are many more. *sweat* Best of all, many can only be attended over the weekend (if i dun have to work) coz during weekdays, everything will be closed by the time I leave the workplace. Not that I don't have to work over the weekends, I normally request for late nite shift...so many to sacrifice. Run around to settle stuff during the day. Work late night til morning. Awesome. Wonder if any of this is appreciated at all.

One super thing which has been bugging my head and heart. Don't tell me how I should look. I won't accept something which will take my smile and mood away. It is MY wedding. Not yours. You had urs and now this is my turn. Sorry if this is harsh but you got it bugging me. Even after I've blurted out this sentence here, it is still there...bugging.

FIVE - The Gap and Uncertainties
As we swim deeper into the ocean, we meet many more kinds of fishes. These fishes understand and do things differently. This is The Gap. Wrong in your eyes. Correct in theirs. Nothing you can fix. Let it be. Keep on swimming and go with the flow.

What other creatures you come across and the actions you need to take if they welcome/attack you, you are wrong if you think you can foresee all this and plan what to be done. Why? Most of the time, you will still panic in the 5-feet swimming pool even when you know how to swim and 6-ft tall. Get the picture? All you can say is "If this and this happens, do A. If that doesn't workout, do B." To hardcode it will be recipe to failure so don't do it. Hardcoding will be very unwise if you work with big fishes who hold your future in the ocean.
Furthermore, you won't be swimming in the same ocean for long. Diff ocean may have diff spesies of fish. Trust me. You don't want to hardcode it. It will result in disappointments and I REALLY don't what that.

Guess I'm quite done. Mini facial done. Head is aching. Need to hit the sack.

p/s: Hope I can come up with something happy in my next post. Good luck to myself.

Note to self : No one can love you as much as you love yourself. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself nicely. You know you are the only one who can be as nice to yourself.

Beautiful Friday

This is an entry for a beautiful Friday. It comes on a Saturday because Friday was sooooo beautiful.

For the past few weeks, I can't remember a day I didn't feel stressed or irritated. Friday(yesterday) was somehow beautiful eventhough I left work at 9pm. This is wayyyy earlier compared to my normal days.

Friday greeted me with peaceful rain in the morning when I first opened my eyes. If you are not sure what it is like, it is the kind of rain which makes soothing sounds outside with some sounds of hit dripping on the window glass. If it was a Saturday, I would definitely sleep in. ;) It was only 7:30am when I woke up.

Would like to hit the shower but when laziness Ickes in, I turned on my laptop to see if there are any urgent emails from work(don't ask me why I did that). There wasn't any that needed immediate attention so it was good.

Upon show of the desktop, there it was; Biography of the late P. Ramlee clip I copied at work late Thursday nite. Or was it early Friday morning before going home on Thursday? Nvm.

Double-clicked on the avi file, I was frozen until 50% of the clip when I realized it was already 8:30am. Ouch! Lol! Hit the shower right away, get dressed and head to work.

Reached the office at 10:30am. Lol! Left work at 2am the previpus night anyway Nothing burning so I was lucky. :) Planned lunch with Dayah but while planning, we got into the idea for a massage session so we headed to Gardens. Haven't decided where to go but ended up at Slimming Sanctuary for shoulder and neck massage. It felt light and good after. Dayah wasn't too satisfied but I was. Probably her massuer has a different style.

When done, we shut the marketing person there and rushed to lunch. Where? Paddington House of Pancakes for the lunch set. It is only RM13.80++ ^__^

Back at work I was dissatisfied that I didn't have the time to walk around or buy anything; I'm blaming my hormones. For the shopping urges. :p

Anyhow, many tasks have been organized and things are not too bad at work. Left work around 9pm or so.

Lovely chat with Mr. Prince Charming and nade him lose his game for a bit. I shutdown my Friday at 10:30pm :)

Friday was beautiful.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Jewellery Organizer

Recently saw jewellery organizer by gin&Jacqie. :) It comes in 2 sizes. What's awesome about it? The smaller size has 18 pockets on each side. So altogether it has 36 pockets. Was a lil tempted to get the bigger one but I seriously can't recall how many non-precious accessories I have in my collection so I opted for the smaller one. Being a fussypot, I always thought of preserving my posessions to last longer...so all the accessories are put into a small clear plastic bag...then only into the pocket. Just so that the accessories are not directly exposed to the air and IF any of it would discolour over time, it won't leave stain on the jewellery organizer.

What it looks like? See the image below.

What's so awesome you may wonder. Well, it is quite a way for a hoarder to get her stuff organized..... :p
For more products by gin&Jacqie go to its official website.

That's all for now people. I'm still dreading to get my room organized. Atleast the jewellery organizer helps to get rid of one box from the dresser.

1Liter Per Day?

Many may wonder how hard can it be to drink 1L of water everyday. I'm gonna tell you it ain't easy for me. :( Unhealthy? I know....Most of the time, I forgot to drink....so the water I brought from home will be left at work overnight to be drank the next day... *sweat* And yes, I bring my water from home....some water tend to taste funny....I trust the one from my home. =p

p/s: Been gewd this days; drink atleast half of the water in this bottle! In the meantime, Mr.Work, please don't distract me too much...I still need to remember to drink!

Educating Kids...Mathematics

This post was triggered by a friend's status update on Facebook saying "How to teach a 6-year-old boy who cannot pay attention and forget what he learned the next second? Trying to teach my son maths... Very frustrated...". I wanted to reply to her thread but do not want to spam her box. Wanted to write her a message but this would be quite long for her to read. *considering the fact that she didn't ask for my opinion but I still wanna blab"

I've never had any kids but I was one. ;) I started schooling when I was 4 in Brunei. The syllabus was based on Singapore so all my textbooks were obviously from Singapore too.

Counting Numbers
How I started counting? This may be a little bit lame but I sometimes massage my mom and my dad. No. They didn't abuse me or force me to but Brunei was a little bit boring and my mom was a housewife and I'm just a little kid. They would sometimes just call me and said "Tolong picit kaki sikit" (Please massage me legs a lil). By leg, they refer to calves. I would ask "How many?" They would reply in numbers. That was how I started counting. 1 to ten was not a problem coz I've got 10 fingers but going beyond that is something else. I started to hunger for more numbers into my head coz I always want to be smart...well,honestly not just smart but if possible the smartest! Some kind of behaviour I've got but I simply want to be the best. From 10 to 20 to 30 and so on. When I started schooling, I think able to count up to 100 is a super duper smart thing so I would massage my mom and ask her what is the next number. There were times when I forgot but whenever I ask, my parents would always tell me the number again. I may be very little but I remember the day I counted til 100! I was on the bed with my mom. Massaging her calves. When I reached 100, I was sooooo thrilled! That's how I started counting! May not be the conventional and formal way but it worked!

Addition and Subtraction
As a kid, I never quite played any computer games. But the first (and possibly the only computer game) I played was a game of maths; addition and subtraction. There were apples, oranges, balloons and maybe many more but I only remember those. Some examples would be 5 - 3. The CRT screen would show 5 balloons. Then a stick would pop 3 balloons and ask for the answer. I would then count the number of balloons left and key in the answer. So kewl!(I was only 4 remember? :p) Other than that, my dad would sometimes ask me "What is 1+1?" I had asked, how to count that. He answered somewhere along the line of "What is the next number after 1?". When it is subtraction, he told me it is the opposite so I would have to count backwards. *I hated that a lot!* Guess that is not the worst. I had the worst trouble when the sum is something like " __ + 3 = 10". Urrgghhh!!! I couldn't finish my homework til late at night so before going to school, he would take me to his office for awhile and make me finish my homework. I counted and rubbed the answers a millions of times coz he would check my answer and tell me it is wrong. So frustrating. There were times I didn't even count but I guessed instead. Hahaha! He told me to minus the number. I didn't understand why I had to minus when I see the + sign in the sum. LOL! When I got what he meant, I asked which number to subtract with which coz I got clueless after subtracting a small number with a big one. *When you are so lil, you don't know if there are any numbers before 0...like c'mon, how can you visualize -ve numbers?How do you put that in the forms of apples and oranges?* hahaha After sometime, I got it and never had troubles answering those.

Multiplication and Division
When I entered Primary 1, I was 6. I was made to know the tables of 2 multiplication before I even entered Primary 1 coz my dad said I will need it when I enter primary school. Gosh! 2 is easy...3 is crazy....4 is boring..5 is lovely...10 is wonderful...so is 11. 12...I don't even want to think about it but when I learnt 12 by heart, I feel like a big kid and obviously smart! LOL! I was probably 7 or 8 when I got to 12 multiplication table. My dad made me learn the table by heart. He made me recite the tables everyday in the study room. There was once when I was soooo happy that I learnt the sequence of numbers in the table top-down. He told me to recite backwards....I went silent. He then threw me questions like "What is 3 times 4?". I would pause and recite in my heart the table of 3....haihzzz. He said "Slow!" I said I have the answer. He said he wants is on the spot. *sweat* After some time, I mastered it and answered him right away everytime he asks. Like that isn't enough, he twisted the question; "What times 3 gives you 15?". I went speechles.........If he asks the question on my way to school, he said he wants it when he picks my up from school. If I still couldn't answer, he would tell me to learn the tables again and that he wants the answer when he comes back from work. From there, we got to division. Wasn't easy but I made it. *Phew!*

Telling the Time
My parents strongly dissaprove digital watches when I was a kid. I always envy my friends and cousins who have digital watches. Whenever I asked for one, my dad would say the watches are for people who do not know how to tell the time. He told me I will have one when I could tell the time well. He bought a cardboard clock and move the hands of the clock. I was so thankful there were only 2 hands; hour and minute. On his watch, there are 3....seconds hand. 5 multiplication table was very handy! It was also my favourite table so it was cool just that when the hands overlapped, I got a lil bit confused. I would look at the clock on the wall, squint my eyes a lil to make sure I count the number right, run to my mom and tell her the time. Sometimes I got it right. Sometimes I go it wrong but I was determined to learn coz I wanna grow up so much and be smart! Duhhh!lol After sometime, I was good at it. Didn't get any digital watches but I was happy with my analog watch coz I have a watch. It was a Mickey Mouse watch. :) Did I still envy kids with digital watches? A lil coz it seemed cool but deep inside I know they may not know how to tell the time as well as I do! =)

Counting Money
Having gone to a small private school, food was provided. There was no need for any coins or purses. I never bothered about having money until when I was 7. My mom started teaching me how to count money. I asked her why she is teaching me how to count money. She said it is essential coz I will need to buy my own food when I go to school in Malaysia. She laid the coins on the study desk and showed me how to tell how much is one coin worth. She didn't tell me to count but she would say if a cake is 30cents and you gave the hawker 50cents, how much should the hawker give you back. I didn't know how she or I did it but it went very smooth. I learned without much effort. Few days we "played" the game. Was fun! *Maybe coz I didn't know going back to Malaysia sucks....*

Going Deeper
There isn't a day when there is not Maths...rite? When I was 8, we returned to KL. We used to be on the highway sometimes. Maths game started again..besides ensuring I still know my tables, my dad would tell me to look at the board on the highway. He would tell me the destination place and I was required to look at the km stated next to it. That was easy. He would then ask me (say we have 150km more to go), "We have 150more kilometers to go, we are now going at 100km per hour. How long more do we need to travel to reach?" Mine you...Singapore is quite a long journey................there were many signboards and figures *sweat* If that isn't enough, after I got my answer right, he would tell me to look at the time and tell him what time we will reach based on my calculation...sobsob...I used to tell him "I haven't got to that part in school." He told me "I want you to learn in advance." He's an engineer and his father used to be a an army. *sweat* There were times I pretended to sleep.....hahahaha The Malaysia school syllabus only got to that when I was in Primary 5 or 6.

I learnt a lot in a car. I counted. I learnt tables. I learnt how to spell. It wasn't easy but it did me good and I dare say I was a smart kid. =p When you are "stuck" in the car, there is nothing much you can do except to keep digging for answers. I hate being in the car with my dad sometimes when I was a kid but he did me a lot of favour! I'm happy...until this very moment I'm recoding this and will always be. =)

There are a lot more memories on my early education...and how I struggled. Will post at another time.

Dear Elena,
If you are reading this, thanks for triggering this post. It makes me reminisce the times I had with my parents when we were just a lil family and how my dad spent sooo much effort educating me. Trust me, even my mom didn't have a say when I was made to stay up til morning to study or understand my homework. I will write more on my early education when time permits. It would be great to capture all this while I still remember. As I mentioned in my opening paragraph, I have no kids but I was one so I hope you could find some ideas with your lil boy. Kids these days may not be the same anymore but one fine day, they will definitely be super thankful! As for me, good luck to myself. I'm not even married yet but when I have my own kids someday, I would love to give atleast the same level of concern and concentration on my kids' education. Won't be easy in our busy lifestyle and demands at work but I hope I could. =) *hugzzz*

-Ruz-